My Babies are Sadists Who Are Trying To Murder Me

The big question rolling off all your tongues is, "How are you feeling?" Now? Well, now I am feeling much better. I am certainly not feeling human but you should have seen me before. It was bad. During those first few glorious weeks of pregnancy, when I had triple the hormones a normal person does I pretty much laid in bed all day, exhausted, nauseated and having so many unmentionable digestive issues that changing my socks was often too much work. Also, I was so hungry that I started having to store PB&J sandwiches in my bed stand to eat during the night. It was pretty great for Fenway since he always got a bite. For the rest of us it was annoying. Eric already had to do everything, including wait on me hand and foot and now he had to make sandwiches before bed.

"Oh no..." You might say. Don't worry. It gets better.

After a few weeks of whatever was going on above I started NOT being nauseous 24/7. Eventually it was 22/7 and 18/7 and so on 'til now. Now I am only nauseous a tiny bit each day. I also don't have to wake up in the night to eat sandwiches. I do have to wake up a few times to pee though so it's a trade off. Lucky for Eric he is a heavy sleeper and doesn't even notice.

"Oh, it's nice that you stopped throwing up with the nausea gone." Yeah. Don't get ahead of yourself.

My gag reflex is OUT OF CONTROL. Brushing my teeth is like a dangerous game of chicken. You never know who will be the vanquisher- my gag reflex or my toothbrush. I go through a lot of toothbrushes. Also, if I do something really dangerous like sneeze too hard or smell garbage on the street...goodbye my last meal. Hello Eric holding my hair.

Any sort of extreme physical exertion such as walking the dog, singing in the shower or Swiffering the floor leaves me completely out of breath, heart racing. This gets me out of lots of household chores and Eric has to pick up the slack, SUCKA.

"Good grief. Well, at least it isn't as bad." You are so right about that.

I no longer have to nap daily, though I do have to go to bed early.

AND it's been like 3 days since I last puked. VICTORY IS MINE!

"What in tarnation was your body doing to you during that time?" Seriously? You used the word tarnation? We are gonna have to glaze over that.

Here is what it was doing: