Wednesday, January 12, 2011
You Know Things Are Gonna Be Awesome When They Whip Out The Speculum
As we all know, my favorite pastime is going to the doctor. I just love taking a bus and then a subway and then waiting in a room where I get no cell service for heaven knows how long until they decide to call me back. Once I am in, it just gets so much better. I get to go to a bathroom, "empty my bladder" (why don't they just say pee? I mean, come on) and then get naked from the waste down. I get to carry all my clothes while simultaneously holding a sheet that barely goes around me, back to the table. I have stopped even thinking about trying to wash my hands. I eventually get my titanic weight up onto the table where I have to lay still on my back for however long they need. We have already discussed how incredibly comfortable and relaxing it is to lay on my back and feel the pressure of a thousand bricks crushing my pathetic lungs. Under the usual circumstances this is a tremendously fun experience. Well, just after Christmas it got even funner. When the tech did the ultrasound of my cervix it decided to betray me and show that it had shortened somewhat significantly that week. Ugh, they went forward with the rest of the ultrasound and the lovely gal who did it couldn't get most of the measurements she was supposed to so she called the doctor in. When the doctor came in she finished getting the measurements on the babies while the tech left and stood outside gossiping with her friends. Seems professional if you ask me. Then the doc said, "Okay, that's it, the babies look good." I was a little confused so I asked, "What about my shortened cervix?" The doctor got this taken aback look and said, "Oh, she didn't tell me about that. Let me take a look." Well, after looking she told me I had to go over to L&D (labor and delivery). Apparently the cervix thing was worth mentioning ultrasound tech lady. Pay attention. I called Eric and told him the sitch and he was on his way. Once I got there they monitored me for contractions for a while and then did some super super fun and incredibly comfortable checks of my cervix. Eric had the pleasure of having me crush his fingers. You know things are gonna be awesome when they whip out the speculum. Happily everything was cool so they sent me home. Phew.